Recently in the Kingdom of Calontir Facebook group the subject of ladies being escorted into court came up. It was not the first time the topic had been brought up in the group, and no doubt will not be the last. Calontiri feel very strongly about the custom, so there was no lack of carefully worded responses about how it is done here.
It is the custom of many kingdoms for ladies to be escorted into court. In some kingdoms, the custom has almost reached the point that it is felt a lady must have an escort into court. The result of that has been that total strangers will rush to escort a lady just so that she does not have to go before the Crown alone. That is not the custom here in Calontir. It seems more often than not ladies go before TRM unescorted. Calontiri are proud of their independence, and like to be recognized for who they are without distractions it seems.
I first noticed the custom of escorting ladies into court in 2000 when I moved to Ansteorra. I am sure I had seen it done before, but I first noticed it then and there. At that time it struck me as odd, and I had questions like, "Why would a lady need an escort in court in a kingdom where all are friends, and there are no foes?" In my two years active in the SCA in Ansteorra I came to appreciate the custom though, and I thought it added to the pageantry of court. I came to see seeing a lady escorted to TRM as a beautiful thing.
It loses its beauty to me when you have lords jockeying for position to escort a lady they hardly know. The appeal to me is in seeing a close friend escort a lady before the Crown. I personally would be very uncomfortable escorting someone I do not know into court. I would not be willing to impose myself on someone. To me, escorting someone into court is a very personal thing, something best not to be done by strangers. It is something that to me should be done by a trusted friend. Granted, if a random lady were to ask me to escort her into court I would feel honored, and would gladly do it and be proud she asked, but it is on her to ask. Knowing the women of my shire, were I to be insistent on escorting them into court, I would probably get a sound beating about the skull.
It comes down to personal preference really. Some no doubt want an escort into court, others not so much. But to me the honor should always go to those closest to the lady. Being called before TRM is a very personal thing. And it can be nerve wracking. All the attention is on you. You are before sometimes hundreds of people. There are people that dread being called into court. When I have gone before TRM I have fears like, "What if I trip on the way? Am I bowing at the right times? Am I bowing deeply enough? How do I respond to what TRM are saying to me?" When I received my AoA I was shaking. It was my first time before the Crown and I was as nervous as I have ever been. As a man I am expected to go before the Crown alone, but I can think of nothing that could make the situation worse than being escorted by someone I do not know. At the same time, the hand of someone I know well and trust would have been welcome when I received my AoA. I have no doubt that it is no different for many ladies. And it is for that reason, you will not see me offering to escort ladies I do not know into court. At the same time, I may well offer a lady I know well an escort if she appears nervous or it is her first time before the Crown. My main concern is that I must not seem insistent or impose myself into a situation not called for.
This is how I have reconciled the custom of other kingdoms with that of Calontir. I do not want the custom of ladies being escorted to go away, but at the same time I feel there needs to be rules. My three rules are: 1) Do not impose yourself upon a lady you do not know just for the sake of her having an escort. 2) Only offer to escort those you know well, and that you know trust you. 3) Women do not need escorts unless they want them.
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